Once again, I will not negotiate with terrorists.


Ok, let’s try this again. 

This has nothing to do with games and is not a matter of legitimate public interest, but is simply a personal matter. I would hope and request that the games press be respectful of what IS a personal matter, and not news, and not about games. This is explicitly about my private life, which has been regrettably forced into the public and framed by people who pose a threat to my safety and well being as well as that of the people I love. I would hope that the effort people have gone through to dress it up as anything more would not be enough to have those who see it for what it is take the bait.

I am not going to link to, or address anything having to do with the validity of the specific claims made by an angry ex-boyfriend with an axe to grind and a desire to use 4chan as his own personal army. This is not a “she-said” to his “he-said”. The idea that I am required to debunk a manifesto of my sexual past written by an openly malicious ex-boyfriend in order to continue participating in this industry is horrifying, and I won’t do it. It’s a personal matter that never should have been made public, and I don’t want to delve into personal shit, mine or anyone else’s, while saying that people’s love and sex lives are no one’s business. I’m not going to talk about it. I will never talk about it. It is not your goddamned business.

What I *am* going to say is that the proliferation of nude pictures of me, death threats, vandalization, doxxing of my trans friends for having the audacity to converse with me publicly, harassment of friends and family and my friends’ family in addition to TOTALLY UNRELATED PEOPLE, sending my home address around, rape threats, memes about me being a whore, pressures to kill myself, slurs of every variety, fucking debates over what my genitals smell like, vultures trying to make money off of youtube videos about it, all of these things are inexcusable and will continue to happen to women until this culture changes. I’m certainly not the first. I wish I could be the last.

Because I’ve had a small degree of success in a specific subculture, every aspect of my life is suddenly a matter of public concern. Suddenly it’s acceptable to share pictures of my breasts on social media to threaten and punish me. Suddenly I don’t have any right to privacy or basic dignity. Suddenly I don’t get to live out normal parts of life, like going through a bad and ugly breakup in private. I have forfeited this by being a blip in a small community, while those who delight in assailing me hide behind their keyboards and a culture that permits it, beyond reproach.

My life and my body are not public property. No one’s life and body are public property.

Sexuality is one of the most personal, hurtful, and easy things to demonize a woman over, and also has nothing to do with my games. Yet large swaths of the gaming community are either unable or unwilling to separate the two. I’m convinced that my ex chose 4chan as the staging ground for his campaign of harassment and character assassination because he knew this; he knew that someone claiming to be “from the Internet” has shown up at my house once already, and he is counting on the most reviled hubs of our community to live up to their sordid reputations. This is another example of gendered violence, whereby my personal life becomes a means to punish my professional credentials and to try to shame me into giving up my work. I’m still committed to doing my small part to create a world where no woman is at risk of experiencing this. That said, I am thankful that even boards with a reputation for being the most hostile places online have been able to tell the intent behind these threads and banned them outright, seeing the hate speech for what it is, and not-news for what it is. 

As much as those leading the charge against me will do mental backflips to make posting pictures of my tits about “ethics”, the real agenda is plain as day if you give it even a moment of sincere critical thought. No one who would terrorize someone and the totally uninvolved people they love in this way on such a massive and public scale could ever honestly claim to be interested in “ethics” of any kind. These kinds of accusations have been levied against any woman of status in any industry, ever. I have been judged because, if you are a woman, you are expected to constantly “prove” yourself, and even mere accusations can somehow undo all the good you’ve done and justify any measure of depraved brutality against you. Meanwhile, I see major support thrown the way of my male colleagues when they are accused of any sort of wrongdoing. Neither of these attitudes is correct, and they are patently unfair and reductive. Nobody exists in a vacuum, and anyone can change and grow into a better person. Heroes and villains don’t exist - just regular boring-ass people with scars and fuckups and moments of brilliance. And every single boring-ass person deserves the space to keep personal matters private and handled outside the shark tank of anonymous internet boards.

Once again, I will not be addressing the specific validity of any statements about my private life. If you have good-faith questions or doubts, I am more than happy to discuss private matters in private, where they belong. But I refuse to be coerced into making my private life or anyone’s private life a matter of public record, and I refuse to be continually emotionally terrorized by people who have long decided to hate me regardless.

I’m looking forward to moving on and getting back to work. To anyone else who has had to deal with this kind of indignity on any scale, you have my undying support and my ear if you ever want to talk to someone who might understand. To the people who support my work and can see this crusade for what it is, thank you from the bottom of my heart. To those people, I love you, I always have, and I always will.

Releasing Depression Quest on Steam Today



After a long uphill battle since getting Greenlit in January, Depression Quest was planned to, and approved for, launch on Steam today. Literally minutes after we got the notification, beloved actor Robin Williams was found dead from a suspected suicide after a long struggle with depression. We were all ready to hit the big red button the minute that the news broke.

So now I’m left with the question - do we launch, or not? I turned to twitter and my most trusted friends for advice because I can see going a few different ways. It’s not an easy decision.

The game is available for free online using a pay what you want model including absolutely nothing, with a portion of the proceeds going to charity to combat the stigma and culture of silence around this debilitating disease. A question that held up the porting process on Steam was the question of how to implement pay-what-you-want in a backend that doesn’t support it. The two ways we could ape it would be in app purchases (microtransactions) or through providing DLC that had different payment tiers. Both of these seemed suboptimal. The microtransactions require getting a secure server that I don’t have the money to maintain while praying that those who have already been very vocal about wanting to destroy both myself and my work wouldn’t be able to take it down, in addition to adding in ugly interface elements that hurt the design of the game. So that’s not really an option. The problem with adding in DLC with nothing that really offers much to the player is that is a good way to breed misunderstandings, and I don’t think it would be ethical to charge someone knowing that there’s a percentage of people who would feel ripped off or misled. I don’t want to take that chance.

So then the choice becomes do we charge or not? Many people were pushing me to charge, citing the help we could offer charities and the value of getting paid for your hard work and taking that money and making more things that could help people.

But none of that felt right. When making something you have to ask yourself what’s the spirit of the thing you’ve made. Why have you made this particular thing? And with Depression Quest, the answer has always been clear as day.

Depression Quest has always been an attempt to make a tool to help people understand depression and reach out to others living with the reality of this disease.

There is no way, in my mind, to ethically put something intended to be a tool for helping people behind a paywall. None.

This was the same guiding principle behind putting the game back on Greenlight after withdrawing initially due to threats and harassment. It’s a really really fucking hard thing to accept - that you have made something that can help someone else, especially when you yourself suffer from depression and have a very hard time accepting that you could do anything for anyone and aren’t totally worthless. But I’ve heard from too many people, heard too many stories from you wonderful fucking people, to ignore that. I love all of you too much to discount your lived experiences, so I accept that the game can help people seek help. Someone getting help or even feeling understood when they feel like an alien on their own planet is too rare of a thing to gamble with, too important to flinch from because you’re worried what people will think of you or say to you.

Similarly, that is why today leaves me conflicted. Majorly, massively conflicted. The last thing I want for the game is for the launch to seem opportunistic or like it is capitalizing on a massive tragedy like we’ve seen today. So again, I’ve turned to you. I’ve thought through a number of possible scenarios, and I feel like I have a responsibility to release today. I know there may be a worst case of people assuming the launch somehow is trying to capitalize on tragedy. However, I would rather have those people hate me than the people who are currently quietly suffering with this illness sit at their dinner tables tonight and hear the discussion of today’s news, hear people not understand how someone who had so much could kill themselves, and lack a resource they could have needed right then to point to and say “this is why”. I’d rather have people flood my inbox with threats again and call me a monster if it means that one person who was shocked by today’s news and maybe thinking of trying to reach out and get help could use this tool I’ve made to take the vitally important first steps towards clawing their way out of the hell that is this disease.

I feel like I have a responsibility to those who could be helped. Depression Quest was never ever meant to be just a game, and it has definitely done more than a traditional game might. I get regular emails from therapists who use it with their patients and families of depression sufferers to build a dialog and a bridge to understanding. It’s been used in classroom settings, people have played it with their parents and significant others to start showing them things they had a hard time verbalizing. Not taking those stories and those people seriously and accepting the role that this game was able to play in their own massive undertakings of self care would be disrespecting those people’s struggles. And I can’t do that.

There’s something here that people who don’t live with depression might not understand. When you suffer from this, the small windows of opportunity you have that you feel like you have the energy to and self-worth enough to try and take steps to change things, to want something more than feeling like you barely have your head above water, those chances and that motivation is fucking *rare*. I can’t in good conscience hold back offering someone something that could help them start making real changes in their life or even just offer a temporary relief or better understanding for the sake of reducing the risk of offending people or hurting my own reputation. If I was sitting down across a table from someone who asked me “how could you release the day Robin Williams took his own life” I would know how I could answer. I’d know why I did it, even if I felt conflicted about doing it. But if I sat down across from someone who asked “How could you hold back on releasing this game when I needed it” I would feel ashamed.

So I am launching the game. Quietly. I will not be promoting it until a respectful time later. But I want it to be out there and available in all the ways I can make it be available so that if someone needs it, they have it. After agonizing over it and asking the general public, they’ve overwhelmingly responded with pleas to release it. Especially among depression sufferers.

I never feel like I know what I’m doing, and like all I can ever do is do what feels right after consulting with people for outside perspective. This isn’t an easy choice, but I think it’s the right one.

Please, please, please take care of yourselves. Tell the people in your life you love them. Don’t stop pushing for more understanding and better care of those battling mental illness.

The game is available for free/pay what you want in the following places:

Web version is here at www.depressionquest.com

Itch.io downloadable version is here at http://the-quinnspiracy.itch.io/depressionquest

Steam version available at http://store.steampowered.com/app/270170

I love you all.

Sex and Heavy Rain


Oh gosh I am going to talk frankly about sex and videogames because I very much like both of those things and have found a weird parallel since I’m a pattern recognition machine, so here’s hoping everyone decides to be a fucking adult about it. That sound you can hear right now, from whereever you are in the world is me laughing at the impossibility of that statement. I know you’re not supposed to laugh at your own jokes but the laughing stops me from screaming so hey. Pick and choose, friend.

Also this gets rambly. But it’s a blog so fuck the police.

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What a perfect analogy.

I’ve heard of gameplay described as performance, similar to music or theater. You know, actually requiring a degree of skill to be involved with.

I’ve used the analogy of language to describe video game controls.

But using sex to describe the co authorship of gameplay. Brilliant.

No rest for the wicked

No rest for the wicked

Dear Dethstrobe.com,

Ah, my old personal website. How you look so interesting yet so functionally bad. Sadly, I don’t have the time to update you my wonderful test ground for JS and CSS. No, I got myself a fancy job at a mega corporation. So its not like I need this website for much of anything right now. I haven’t had the time to work on my personal projects as much, and I’ve signed NDA’s so I…

View On WordPress



No Bullshit Pixel Art Tutorial — Week 1

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

This is my attempt to start sharing everything I know about pixel art as concisely as possible. It comes in the form of focused tips, packaged into 10 second videos. The intro + first two are already online. The rest of Week 1 will air one per day for the rest of the week. Go view them at:


The slides above expand on the videos and act as cheat sheets on the topics I cover. Like & reblog if you want to support this project.

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3D web browser by James McCrae designed for the Oculus Rift uses customized HTML to help create 3D web spaces. A VR headset isn’t necessary to use it, but the video embedded below is in dual-screen VR mode:

A personal project for learning programming for the Oculus Rift - a 3D VR internet browser which I called FireBox (webpages are represented as boxy rooms - get it?). A spatial walk through the internet, inspired by reading Snow Crash. The analogy here is that webpages are rooms and links connect rooms as doorways. Pictures embedded in the webpages hang on the room’s walls. The environment is dynamically generated, based on order of navigation using a portal-based system. Ideally, the experience would be collaborative and multiple people could navigate the virtual space together.

More recently, pages with special FireBoxRoom HTML tags can show enhanced 3D content (this is still a work in progress, but serves as a proof of concept). I have created some interesting VR interface “widgets” to allow for interactive editing and creation of these “FireBoxRooms”. I have also added some “site translators” which take the content and known structure of existing sites, and generate FireBoxRooms from this data which spatially arrange the content in a meaningful manner.

The software is constantly in development, so more impressive features are to come. Whilst I don’t see this as a complete browser replacement, the creative possibilities here are impressive.

You can find out more (and download the latest versions for Windows and Linux) here


Anonymous asked:

hello i'm a dc fan but i read marvel as well and something that's always bothered me is nick fury? like why is he sometimes white and other times black? it's just something i never really understood. thanks friend!




ok so are you familiar with the marvel multiverse? the main chunk of marvel comics that everyone knows takes place on earth-616, but marvel also has another group of comics that all exist on earth-1610. they’re just different realities, shown to exist in the same multiverse. the comics that take place on 1610 are called ultimate marvel, and the main team of avengers are known as the ultimates. this is also the universe with the black/latino spider-man, btw.

so on earth-616, the original nick fury is this guy:


eyepatch, gray streaks in his hair, grizzled and smoking cigars all the time, been around since the 1940s and kinda sorta immortal but not really white dude nick fury. formerly head of shield, currently…not head of shield.

now in 2000, marvel released ULTIMATE MARVEL, presented as a streamlined, reimagined version of 616 without the massive backlog of continuity attached. nick fury was reimagined as a black guy. in his first appearance, his design was just black dude with an eye patch and crazy spy gadgets. but when he was put in the first ultimates comic, bryan hitch based his design off of samuel l. jackson, although they didn’t get his permission.

so ultimates nick fury looks like this:


like it wasn’t even a secret that he’s slj. they make a joke about it in the first volume


this was waaaay back before the mcu was even a possibility, since marvel was still broke and the best marvel movies were x-men and spider-man. no one wanted to touch the avengers. but despite that, when slj heard that his likeness was being used for a comic book character, he contacted marvel and secured the rights to play the character should he ever appear in a film adaptation.

ALL THIS LEADS UP TO 2008 with the release of iron man and the introduction of black nick fury to the marvel cinematic universe. the mcu, btw, is structured similar to the way ultimates is, but with more 616 characterization. that probably means nothing to you. I’m sorry.


so samuel l. jackson is nick fury in marvel’s multi-billion dollar franchise, and thus cemented as nick fury in pop culture. but fury is still white in the main 616 comics. and marvel, desperately attempting to use the popularity of their films to boost the flagging comics industry, decides to try and do some subtle restructuring of the 616 universe to more closely resemble the films. because fans of the films would be confused and lost and never get into comics otherwise!!! obviously the solution is to introduce a character named marcus johnson in a miniseries that no one read, reveal him to be nick fury’s biracial biological child whose birth name is nick fury, jr., cut out his eye and give him an eye patch, and then gradually phase old white nick fury out of the comics and replace him with this new, bald, black nick fury. that’s totally not confusing. comics!!!!

I actually don’t mind that for all intents and purposes, nick fury is black in 616. I’m sad they haven’t given old nick a proper send off though and let him go out in a fiery explosion with jet packs that leaves his death ambiguous as befits his character, but whatever. what I do mind is them introducing fucking coulson to 616 because THAT IS WHAT 616 NEEDS, MORE BORING WHITE GUYS WITH TERRIBLE NICKNAMES but that’s my own personal issues showing.

so now, the nick fury appearing in secret avengers and various other marvel 616 titles is this guy:


also they put him in steve rogers’ old commander uniform and I am so not complaining about this that uniform is hotter than the sUN

also fun fact to round up this little explanation and to make things even more confusing, white nick fury is a disguise used by ultimates fury when he was on several undercover missions!!!! haha. comics.

damn, kiran. i couldn’t have said it better myself.

as a diehard 616 fury fan, i agree that the problem isn’t wanting to use a new fury that the general population would recognize, it’s not letting the Fury that’s been around for almost 60 years now the send off he deserves. just, show some respect to he guy, yknow.

also, the mcu fury is nowhere near the 616 one. sort of a middle ground of the 616 and the ultimate one. mcu fury is nowhere near as ruthless and general asshole-y and amazing as the 616 one is.

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